Sir, We Have an Orc Problem Review — Greentide

The word just came in: a massive horde of orcs is on its way, hell-bent on destroying everything in its path. We have no hope of beating the unstoppable green tide in the field, so we have to be smarter: by using the terrain, you’re tasked with setting up artillery pieces, machine gun nests, strafing runs, and other sci-fi-adjacent weaponry to hold off the orcs at any cost.

So this is essentially a Warhammer 40k game, right?

Sir, We Have an Orc Problem is a tower defense game built around the simple pleasure, or terror, of facing off against a bajillion orcs with limited supplies to do so. You progress through each battle (or, more likely, defeat) as you slowly unlock and upgrade more towers and tools to fight off the attacking monsters, and you unlock even more difficult levels in the process.

The game reminds me most of the flash and browser games I would spend hours upon hours playing when I was a kid. Really, the simple graphics, even simpler UI, and catchy, albeit repetitive, theme song would be right at home with any game on Armor Games or Newgrounds in the early 2010s. To some, this simplicity will be off-putting. It certainly put me off, initially, but I’d be lying if I said the game didn’t pull me in pretty quickly with its easily engaging loop.

Sir, We Have an Orc Problem captures the simple joy of progression. You start with what seems like impossible odds, armed with one wimpy missile launcher and a horde of orcs you have no chance of defeating. A few runs later, you’ve got a machine gun tower. A few runs after that, you’ve got six machine gun towers, each one firing 2% faster than they did before, and so on and so forth. The loop is incredibly simple: lose, earn points from losing, and spend those points until you’re powerful enough to win the level. Then, move on to the next, lose again, and repeat the process.

There is a kind of dopamine response to watching your defenses get gradually stronger, replaying wave after wave to earn points and eventually striking back at the orcs with bigger and stronger guns. It is an incredibly easy way to shut your brain off and lose two hours on a weeknight when you don’t feel like doing something that requires more thought or effort.

That being said, I have essentially explained both the pros and the cons to the game in one simple statement: “replaying wave after wave.” To say that Sir, We Have an Orc Problem becomes repetitive is an understatement. Sure, you will unlock more towers and playthings as you advance, and the difficulty curve does curve quite a bit when you get to a million orcs on-screen at once, but you’re more often than not going to be playing the same level over and over again and adjusting very little when you aren’t. The grind to unlock upgrades, as satisfying as it may be at times, is ultimately devoid of meaningful or exciting choice; every upgrade outside of new toys is essentially a statistical improvement or the ability to add more of the same tower to your run. It is fun, yes, but only for so long, and the whole thing will become repetitive quickly.

To make this comparison once again, I don’t think it would be inaccurate to call Sir, We Have an Orc Problem a high-budget browser or phone game, with the technology separating it from its peers simply due to the fact that there can be so many orcs on-screen at once, something I personally wouldn’t want to try and render in my browser. You will have fun with the game, as I did, but there quickly becomes a sense that there is a certain production value score missing that separates a Newgrounds game from something you’d pay for on Steam. The game is simply lacking in scale and content to make it worth the price that the developer is asking for, in my humble opinion.

Said price, being just $9.99, isn’t incredibly steep, either. While I think the game falls just under that value, I would say it does so just barely. I would be completely satisfied picking the game up on sale, say, for around seven dollars, but I hardly feel as though the asking price is highway robbery.

Sir, We Have an Orc Problem is just missing something. It needs more to it: an expanded soundtrack, more to the graphics and models, more upgrades, and more towers; simply more to feel at home with the other titles I’d recommend players check out. That being said, it is far from a bad game, as it is devoid of questionable or predatory business practices, bugs, or mechanics that simply aren’t fun. I had fun with the game, as I think you will as well, but that fun might fall a bit short of what you’re expecting. Still, if the game has your interest, you could certainly find worse things to spend $10 on.

Try Hard Guides was provided with a Steam code for this PC review of Sir, We Have an Orc Problem. Find more detailed looks at popular and upcoming titles on our Game Reviews page! Sir, We Have an Orc Problem is available on Steam.