Valorant April Fools 2023 Patch Notes: Hilarious Changes to Agents, Maps, and Gameplay

Discover the comical updates introduced in Valorant's April Fools 2023 Patch Notes, featuring agent and gameplay tweaks, map changes, and more.
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Image: Riot Games

Valorant has released its April Fools 2023 Patch Notes, featuring a range of humorous updates that interrupt the game’s typical patch cadence. These updates have been translated for easier understanding for everyday Valorant players.

Among the agent updates, Wingman can now pick up and shoot guns, while proximity to Brimstone’s beard adds rapid fire capabilities. The competitive updates include a dedicated queue for Valorant e-daters in Ranked, where they can only hear each other’s voice comms.

In the gameplay systems updates, shots fired while in spawn now shoot into the enemy spawn. Additionally, Jett’s dash becomes cooldown-based instead of charge-based, with a cooldown set to 0.5 seconds.

The map updates announce Breeze as the only map, complete with cabanas and Adirondack chairs. Mode updates introduce the Suss Teammate Mode, where solo queue players have their scoreboard and comms turned off.

Performance updates apply an “aged” effect face filter to In-Game Leads’ Agents. The progression updates now allow players to progress the Battlepass on their stationary bikes. Social updates include automatic translation of “Valorant Accent” in voice comms.

In the weapons updates, developers have decided to remove the Vandal from the shop, ending the debate between Vandal and Phantom enthusiasts.

Here is a full list of the patch notes from the official Valorant website:

AGENT UPDATES

  • Wingman can now pick up and shoot guns
    • say less—our bestie, Wingman, can now pull up onto site with an Op
  • Proximity to Brimstone’s beard adds rapid fire
    • Brim looked us square in the eye and gave us a good firm handshake and we just couldn’t say no

COMPETITIVE UPDATES

  • VALORANT e-daters in Ranked will automatically be funneled to a dedicated queue where they can only hear one another’s voice comms
    • Cuffing season may be over, but if you and your situationship are tryna link over VALORANT without getting absolutely merked by your teammates, we gotchu fam.

GAMEPLAY SYSTEMS UPDATES

  • Shots fired while in spawn will now shoot into enemy spawn
    • map control is mid anyway
  • Jett dash is now cooldown based instead of charge based and the cooldown is now set to 0.5 seconds
    • we love Jett and we love cars so we made her dash cooldown 0.5 seconds. Jett boutta pull up skrt skrt

MAPS UPDATES

  • Breeze is now the only map, and it comes with cabanas and adirondack chairs
    • Your timeshare is once again open for business.

MODES UPDATES

  • Suss Teammate Mode: Solo queue with scoreboard and comms turned off
    • because like why are you bottom fragging and not using comms — pick a struggle.

PERFORMANCE UPDATES

  • In Game Leads will now get an “aged” effect face filter applied to their Agent
    • When I was your age they used to say, “youth is wasted on the young.” Different times.

PROGRESSION UPDATES

  • You can now progress the Battlepass on your stationary bike
    • not you forgetting to complete the last Battlepass

SOCIAL UPDATES

  • Use of “VALORANT Accent” in voice comms is now automatically translated

WEAPONS UPDATES

  • We’ve seen the online banter of which is better: Vandal or Phantom. To make the decision easier, we are removing the Vandal from the shop.
    • friendship ended with Vandal now Phantom is your best friend #phantoms4life

The April Fools 2023 Patch Notes provide a light-hearted twist to the game, making it a memorable experience for players.

Shaun Savage

Shaun Savage

Shaun Savage is the founder and editor-in-chief of Try Hard Guides. He has been covering and writing about video games for over 9 years. He is a 2013 graduate of the Academy of Art University with an A.A. in Web Design and New Media. In his off-time, he enjoys playing video games, watching bad movies, and spending time with his family.

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